I woke up with a slight headache; a strange thing, in a strange room.
In front of me was a strange man. I was lying in a strange bed.
"Mr Welks" the man said and leaned forward to look into my eyes. "Are you all right?"
"What?" I replied in a high pitched voice.
What the bob? Something odd was going on here, the last thing I could remember was a blinding white light and the peculiar sensation of feeling my body being ripped apart. Now I found myself in a strange room (I believe I mentioned that), being addressed by the name of my attempted assassin and speaking in a squeaky voice. I also had a headache, something which I hadn’t experienced in a very long time and, unusually, I felt incredibly heavy.
I eased myself up and looked down at my fat body, then back into the questioning face of the man; most notably at his white coat with the company logo above the pocket.
Gratackan.
Mr Welks?
I tried to think of something witty or amusing to say, but I couldn't so I settled for
"Eh?"
"Mr Welks, we found you in the wreckage - or rather we found a burnt corpse. The brain was preserved inside a Gratackan survival unit, it was badly charred with the ID unrecognisable, we had to assume it was you."
"Any others?" What I wanted to know was whether Welks was dead was he being revived also?
"One of the others also had their brain in a unit. It had been destroyed in the explosion. No doubt an inferior model."
"Mmmph" I almost smiled at that. I'd had my unit encased in Raddlers shielding, which must have burnt off and that Raddlers was tough stuff. That must have been some bomb!
"How's the shop?"
"A two mile crater now exists where it has been"
Shit! When Welks set out to blow someone up he certainly gave it his best shot.
Sunday, 11 November 4756
Friday, 9 November 4756
Terminal Velocity - Day 3, part 2
11:30am, outside a Gratackan bodyshop. My trip through the streets had been peaceful, whoever had tried to kill me in the hotel room hadn’t paid for another hit. Id searched my memory, real and assisted, for likely candidates, but the list was too long and I soon gave up. Not to worry, I would find out sooner or later. I was also a little annoyed about the price they’d been paid, 10K! On this planet that was positively insulting.
The door chimed welcoming me as I walked into a vestibule. Inside I was confronted with a box and an ugly looking muzzle protruding from a wall level with my neck. Perhaps I should get it armoured, there’s not much your head can do without a body attached. I dropped my wrist knife and a few other weapons into the box. The muzzle withdrew and the inner door opened.
”Can I help you Sir?” a Gratackan sculpted employee asked me.I stared at the physical perfection for a second trying to figure out what sex it was, the name badge wasn’t any help ‘Samart’.
”I was in the other day, returning a spine. I said I wanted to be paid in cash”
”Oh yes, that’s right, I have the box right here” It bent down behind the counter and brought up a small package. My watch immediately began screaming at me, I stepped back as it warded.
”What the Bob! That’s a bomb!”
The assistant blanched and stuttered ‘Wha..what?” as it almost dropped it.
”Not to worry” I recovered my cool a little as it was obvious it wasn’t going to go off straight away, and pulled out a pack of film, wrapping it around the box.
“That should contain it, unless it’s big and fusion. And if it is you can say goodbye to the neighbourhood.”I placed it on the counter and said “My money please”
The employee, still visibly shaken, muttered “I’ll have to phone Mr Welks”
”Phone him then”
The assistant spent some time muttering behind a screen then came back out and said “Mr Welks will come round personally”.
We waited, I looked around the shop, leafing through brochures and looking at the merchandise, while it dusted – first the top of the counter, nice and slow in big circles, then down the sides and finally under it.
I brought up my hand, smashing with the base of my palm into its nose, killing it instantly.
Nobody dusts.
As the body slumped to the floor I went round the counter and reached under it. A small but efficient blaster. No doubt Welks would be able to come in armed, this would even it up a bit. Feeling a bit more prepared I waited.
It wasn’t long.
The outer door opened, registering on a screen behind the counter. A few seconds later the inner door opened and two men, big and mean looking, carrying something that looked bigger and meaner, entered. Behind them came Welks.
They put the vaguely familiar object on the floor and pointed its muzzle at the counter.
I dropped the blaster as I realised what it was.
A nuclear cannon.
Oh shit!
Welks spoke “Mr Tyrson, you have a minute to show yourself, then I fire”
That was nice of him, notice the then part. He began calling out every 10 seconds evidently hoping I would show myself and so spare some damage to his shop.
It seemed like a good idea to get a shot in and I was preparing to leap over the counter when I noticed the bomb besides me still in its cocoon. Quickly I unwrapped it and began wrapping the protective sheet about myself.
Welks called out “10 seconds”
”9” I was almost covered.
”8” There wasn’t enough for my toes.
”7,6,5,4,3,2” I breathed in and covered my mouth.
”1”
The counter disappeared, taking the back door with it (as well as my toes). Well there was an escape route. I sat there in light so intense it hurt even with the dampers full on, wondering how long it would last and if my body would suffocate first.
Then the heat from the blast detonated the bomb and the roof caved in.
The door chimed welcoming me as I walked into a vestibule. Inside I was confronted with a box and an ugly looking muzzle protruding from a wall level with my neck. Perhaps I should get it armoured, there’s not much your head can do without a body attached. I dropped my wrist knife and a few other weapons into the box. The muzzle withdrew and the inner door opened.
”Can I help you Sir?” a Gratackan sculpted employee asked me.I stared at the physical perfection for a second trying to figure out what sex it was, the name badge wasn’t any help ‘Samart’.
”I was in the other day, returning a spine. I said I wanted to be paid in cash”
”Oh yes, that’s right, I have the box right here” It bent down behind the counter and brought up a small package. My watch immediately began screaming at me, I stepped back as it warded.
”What the Bob! That’s a bomb!”
The assistant blanched and stuttered ‘Wha..what?” as it almost dropped it.
”Not to worry” I recovered my cool a little as it was obvious it wasn’t going to go off straight away, and pulled out a pack of film, wrapping it around the box.
“That should contain it, unless it’s big and fusion. And if it is you can say goodbye to the neighbourhood.”I placed it on the counter and said “My money please”
The employee, still visibly shaken, muttered “I’ll have to phone Mr Welks”
”Phone him then”
The assistant spent some time muttering behind a screen then came back out and said “Mr Welks will come round personally”.
We waited, I looked around the shop, leafing through brochures and looking at the merchandise, while it dusted – first the top of the counter, nice and slow in big circles, then down the sides and finally under it.
I brought up my hand, smashing with the base of my palm into its nose, killing it instantly.
Nobody dusts.
As the body slumped to the floor I went round the counter and reached under it. A small but efficient blaster. No doubt Welks would be able to come in armed, this would even it up a bit. Feeling a bit more prepared I waited.
It wasn’t long.
The outer door opened, registering on a screen behind the counter. A few seconds later the inner door opened and two men, big and mean looking, carrying something that looked bigger and meaner, entered. Behind them came Welks.
They put the vaguely familiar object on the floor and pointed its muzzle at the counter.
I dropped the blaster as I realised what it was.
A nuclear cannon.
Oh shit!
Welks spoke “Mr Tyrson, you have a minute to show yourself, then I fire”
That was nice of him, notice the then part. He began calling out every 10 seconds evidently hoping I would show myself and so spare some damage to his shop.
It seemed like a good idea to get a shot in and I was preparing to leap over the counter when I noticed the bomb besides me still in its cocoon. Quickly I unwrapped it and began wrapping the protective sheet about myself.
Welks called out “10 seconds”
”9” I was almost covered.
”8” There wasn’t enough for my toes.
”7,6,5,4,3,2” I breathed in and covered my mouth.
”1”
The counter disappeared, taking the back door with it (as well as my toes). Well there was an escape route. I sat there in light so intense it hurt even with the dampers full on, wondering how long it would last and if my body would suffocate first.
Then the heat from the blast detonated the bomb and the roof caved in.
Terminal Velocity - Day 3
The next time I opened my eyes there were a couple of dwarf stars in the sky. The planet's own wasn’t there so technically it was night. My watch beeped at me, 10 am, to make matters even more confusing. Whatever, it was time to pick up my refund and leave this planet before Harry started getting anxious. I packed my gear and told the hotel to come and get it then sat back and waited.
The door said “Someone to see you Mr Tyrson”
”Come in”
The door exploded in a blaze of light, the concussion flinging me over the back of the sofa, falling, diving into the bedroom, rolling under the bed. There were footsteps and voices.
One said “Where is he then?”
Of course I could have shouted out “I’m in here” but I had other things on my mind. After all what were they being paid for?
They began tearing the place apart, one came into the bedroom, moved about a bit and left. Evidently they weren’t being paid a lot.
I coughed politely. The footsteps stopped and turned.
”Hey Creta”
”Yeah?”
”He’s in here, under the bed”The other one came into the room.
”I thought they said he was a pro”
”Easiest 10 thou…”
His words cut of as he and his friend exploded into thousands of pieces. I eased myself out from under the bed and looked around.”You bloody idiots” I said to a crisped finger “Couldn’t you have just opened the door?”
I lent down, reaching through the charred hole in the bed and pulled out the force cannon I kept there for emergencies. Good job I wasn’t staying another night. Come to think of it I should have just shot them in the feet, and then I could have asked them some questions. But that’s life, you learn from your mistakes, next time, next time.
”You called Sir?”I span, a fresh cartridge clicking into the cannons breach, then spotted the trolley and relaxed. I piled my cases onto it.
”Take these to my ship and charge my bill to this account” I dictated Harry’s number.
”And that Sir?”
I glanced at the cannon. Thought for a while and then tossed it on top.
A little too noisy.
The door said “Someone to see you Mr Tyrson”
”Come in”
The door exploded in a blaze of light, the concussion flinging me over the back of the sofa, falling, diving into the bedroom, rolling under the bed. There were footsteps and voices.
One said “Where is he then?”
Of course I could have shouted out “I’m in here” but I had other things on my mind. After all what were they being paid for?
They began tearing the place apart, one came into the bedroom, moved about a bit and left. Evidently they weren’t being paid a lot.
I coughed politely. The footsteps stopped and turned.
”Hey Creta”
”Yeah?”
”He’s in here, under the bed”The other one came into the room.
”I thought they said he was a pro”
”Easiest 10 thou…”
His words cut of as he and his friend exploded into thousands of pieces. I eased myself out from under the bed and looked around.”You bloody idiots” I said to a crisped finger “Couldn’t you have just opened the door?”
I lent down, reaching through the charred hole in the bed and pulled out the force cannon I kept there for emergencies. Good job I wasn’t staying another night. Come to think of it I should have just shot them in the feet, and then I could have asked them some questions. But that’s life, you learn from your mistakes, next time, next time.
”You called Sir?”I span, a fresh cartridge clicking into the cannons breach, then spotted the trolley and relaxed. I piled my cases onto it.
”Take these to my ship and charge my bill to this account” I dictated Harry’s number.
”And that Sir?”
I glanced at the cannon. Thought for a while and then tossed it on top.
A little too noisy.
Thursday, 8 November 4756
Terminal Velocity - Day 2
The next day, or rather the next twelve hour period, I spent shopping. I needed to get a few things to make life a little easier (for me, possibly more unpleasant for others). Five suns in the sky, one blue, a baking hot day with a purple tinge. Some of the more enterprising store holders were taking advantage to get rid of their less popular wares, such as ill conceived shirts and nauseous coloured trousers. One was trying to sell Bannot fruit, a purple orange; but who could tell the difference in this light, apart from the fact that oranges aren’t poisonous.
“No thank you” I said, and when he persisted he ended up sampling his produce. Not fatal – just be close to a toilet for a couple of days.
After a quick lunch at Roy’s Burger Bar I headed into the seedier part of town, the kind of shops I wanted were located in the poor quarter where the thousand cred a week earners lived. A thousand credits! On my home planet (before it became an asteroid field), they would have been the high fliers, looked upon with envy by us poor assembly men.
The shop I wanted was situated down a back alley ‘Gun-U-like’ plastered proudly on the door. It was dark inside and it took me a second to adjust, a tiny shop crammed with weapons, shelves from floor to ceiling packed with blasters, grenades, force cannon and the like piled up haphazardly on top of each other. Diagonally opposite to the front door was glass counter and behind that another door.
”Can I help you?” a voice asked pleasantly.
I span, surprised, turning to face a fat man giving me a wide mouthed grin. His dead eyes stared at me as he pulled out a handkerchief and mopped his brow.
”What can I do for you?” he asked again.
I paused, puzzled by his fatness. His chins wobbled as they squeezed themselves out of a grey suit. He was sweating copiously, sheen coated his hands and face which he seemed to replenish with strokes of his handkerchief.
”I’m in need of a few supplies” I said, holding out my hand. He shook it, I tried to hide my displeasure.
”Quite a list Mr Tyrson, a veritable arsenal – and I had you pegged as a tourist”
”Oh? Why?”
”The careless way you entered the shop, I could have killed you before you even knew I was here.”
”Well I am on holiday.”
”Ha Ha” forced and squeakily unpleasant.
”Will you be able to deliver tomorrow?”
”It shouldn’t be a problem” he paused for a second before issuing a shark tooth grin “You’re Jake Tyrson aren’t you? You broke a Gratackan spine; top of the range the Armageddon IV. I’m intrigued as to how you did it.”
”You seem to know a lot about me Mr Welks, I'm at quite a disadvantage”
”Forgive me” he held out his hand and I shook it again, this time getting a totally different feed.
”Samuel Welks, owner of Gratackan” I feigned little interest. Owner of Gratackan, the largest chain of bodyshops in the galaxy! This guy must be loaded and here he was running a two bit gun shop. “Seems an odd sideline”
”This place is a mere hobby, hence the whimsical name; besides I find that a large number of my bodyshop sales are due to weapons damage.” He paused, smiling strangely “You haven’t told me how you managed to break our top of the range spine”
”I didn’t exactly break it, more cracked it”
”But still…”
”I fell out of a plane. If my leg hadn’t have got caught in a tree-like structure I would have splattered into the ground. The jerk cracked the spine and ripped my leg off.”
”Amazing, and you chose New Happy to collect your refund?”
”Well I did have a 100 year money back no questions asked guarantee”I could see his eyes twitch as he calculated the amount I would get on this planet, I would make a serious profit out of this, especially as Harry had picked up my food bill. Welks puzzled me though, the body must be a ploy, designed to fool; playing on a humans tendency to judge a person by their appearance. A folly that must have its roots before bodies were grown on trees.
”I’m picking up my refund at one of your shops tomorrow, perhaps I’ll see you there?”
His smile returned “Perhaps you will”
I left the shop, wiping my hand on my trousers, and headed back to the hotel.
“No thank you” I said, and when he persisted he ended up sampling his produce. Not fatal – just be close to a toilet for a couple of days.
After a quick lunch at Roy’s Burger Bar I headed into the seedier part of town, the kind of shops I wanted were located in the poor quarter where the thousand cred a week earners lived. A thousand credits! On my home planet (before it became an asteroid field), they would have been the high fliers, looked upon with envy by us poor assembly men.
The shop I wanted was situated down a back alley ‘Gun-U-like’ plastered proudly on the door. It was dark inside and it took me a second to adjust, a tiny shop crammed with weapons, shelves from floor to ceiling packed with blasters, grenades, force cannon and the like piled up haphazardly on top of each other. Diagonally opposite to the front door was glass counter and behind that another door.
”Can I help you?” a voice asked pleasantly.
I span, surprised, turning to face a fat man giving me a wide mouthed grin. His dead eyes stared at me as he pulled out a handkerchief and mopped his brow.
”What can I do for you?” he asked again.
I paused, puzzled by his fatness. His chins wobbled as they squeezed themselves out of a grey suit. He was sweating copiously, sheen coated his hands and face which he seemed to replenish with strokes of his handkerchief.
”I’m in need of a few supplies” I said, holding out my hand. He shook it, I tried to hide my displeasure.
”Quite a list Mr Tyrson, a veritable arsenal – and I had you pegged as a tourist”
”Oh? Why?”
”The careless way you entered the shop, I could have killed you before you even knew I was here.”
”Well I am on holiday.”
”Ha Ha” forced and squeakily unpleasant.
”Will you be able to deliver tomorrow?”
”It shouldn’t be a problem” he paused for a second before issuing a shark tooth grin “You’re Jake Tyrson aren’t you? You broke a Gratackan spine; top of the range the Armageddon IV. I’m intrigued as to how you did it.”
”You seem to know a lot about me Mr Welks, I'm at quite a disadvantage”
”Forgive me” he held out his hand and I shook it again, this time getting a totally different feed.
”Samuel Welks, owner of Gratackan” I feigned little interest. Owner of Gratackan, the largest chain of bodyshops in the galaxy! This guy must be loaded and here he was running a two bit gun shop. “Seems an odd sideline”
”This place is a mere hobby, hence the whimsical name; besides I find that a large number of my bodyshop sales are due to weapons damage.” He paused, smiling strangely “You haven’t told me how you managed to break our top of the range spine”
”I didn’t exactly break it, more cracked it”
”But still…”
”I fell out of a plane. If my leg hadn’t have got caught in a tree-like structure I would have splattered into the ground. The jerk cracked the spine and ripped my leg off.”
”Amazing, and you chose New Happy to collect your refund?”
”Well I did have a 100 year money back no questions asked guarantee”I could see his eyes twitch as he calculated the amount I would get on this planet, I would make a serious profit out of this, especially as Harry had picked up my food bill. Welks puzzled me though, the body must be a ploy, designed to fool; playing on a humans tendency to judge a person by their appearance. A folly that must have its roots before bodies were grown on trees.
”I’m picking up my refund at one of your shops tomorrow, perhaps I’ll see you there?”
His smile returned “Perhaps you will”
I left the shop, wiping my hand on my trousers, and headed back to the hotel.
Wednesday, 7 November 4756
Terminal Velocity - Day 1
It was eight days after I lost my left leg when I got the call.
The dais remained blank as a voice said my name “Jake”.
In my line of work being found has its serious disadvantages – namely ending up dead. No one should have known I was here - it would be the last place anybody would have expected me to be, vacationing on New Happy; the most expensive (and tackiest) planet in the galaxy. As close as you could get to the hub without disappearing over the event horizon, a sky strewn with stars guaranteeing 24 hour tanning, and enough dark places to satisfy all but the wildest imagination. Come to think of it – this is probably the first place they would think of!
“Hello” I replied, wary but intrigued. Really, I should have been out of there as any second the room could have exploded, or perhaps just my head as an orbital laser vaporised my brain. But I have always been curious, something that got me out of a dead end job attaching arms and legs to bodies into the much more interesting and varied field of detaching them.
“Hello” the voice was non-descript no emotions or clues but still human, not synthetic. This was beginning to get annoying; my patience was already tested by my continually forgetting that my left leg was now only six inches long. This involved a lot of falling over.
“Who the Bob is that?”
“Harry” Ah, it was beginning to make sense now. Harry had been slipped a virus by one of his competitors, he was doing me a favour keeping the dais blank.
“Harry, how are you?” At least now I knew that he wasn’t trying to kill me, probably.
“How do you think? I’ve got a job for you”
“What?” Snappy dialogue, but that’s not what I get paid for.
“Easy, shouldn’t take you long” Which meant it would be difficult and dirty and I would have a hard time keeping hold of appendages.
“How much?”
“The usual”
“Hmmph” Does anybody like that answer?
“Looks like you’re in need of the money.”
Should have turned the cam off. “Maybe” I swung my chair round to look out of the window at what I had been assured was a picturesque view; a drab building dotted with balconies overlooking my hotel – no doubt scenic in itself. This was one of the cheapest hotel rooms on this world (well as cheap as I was willing to go), you could get four floors for the same price on another planet. My money was going fast as I’d had to double my food intake to grow a new leg, but the jobs that Harry offered were always the worst.
“Jake?”
“Send it around”
“This one is important Jake.”
“When isn’t it? Just send it round”
“Already on its way”
The door gave a polite cough “Package for you Mr Tyrson”
I eased myself out of my chair and hopped over to the door. My watch wasn’t beeping so I took the package from the parcel bot ignoring the tip pad that it waved at me and slammed the door in its face. Then hopped back to my chair, I thumbed the seal and began reading.
“Jake?”
“Yeah?” Not really paying attention as I tried to figure out what Harrys angle was.
“You’ll be leaving Wednesday.”
“What! Listen my legs only a third grown”
“Speed it up then, I’ll pay the bill” Wow, this must be important if Harry was willing to pay expenses, perhaps he’d never been to New Happy. I scanned through the data trying to find a clue. Ah, there it was! I grinned an evil grin and sat back in my chair. Harry was about to pay big time.
“Harry?”
“Jake?”
“Ten million”
“What!” His voice spluttered “You must be joking. You people are ten a penny, you’re my first choice Jake but you’re not the last.”
“Now Harry, don’t get uptight”, I was enjoying this “ you know that most of them are on their way to the new galaxy” They were as well, jobs in my line of work were getting scarcer (yeah thanks Bob), the great unknown was one of the few remaining options for ‘ahem’ adventurers; one that I wasn’t yet ready for.
“Six”
“Nine”
“Seven”
“Eight”
“Done, cash on delivery though”
“When wasn’t it?” That was too easy, you had more chance of getting a falo out of a sned than a credit out of ‘Honest’ Harry the Shipbroker.
“Call me when you’ve got it”
“Don’t cross me Harry, remember Berrand”“
As if I would Jake, as if I would”
I broke the connection and leaned back thinking about the last time I had done a job for him. Berrand was a bad situation and a planetbuster does what it says on the box. However, business is business and I would use the piece makers again.
Harry’s file had a credit number on the front, I verified it with the hotel then hopped into the bedroom to get my briefcase, punched in the 49 digit code and pulled out a book. Finding the right page I popped out a couple of tablets, swallowed them, and then called up a menu from room service.
As the first course of my meal arrived, I hopped out onto the balcony and lowered myself into one of the chairs. Leaning back I tuned the screen to cut out some of the glare and put some music on. Having one leg was inconvenient and most humans would have just got a new one, but I had a growth unit, and it would just get confused. But then most humans didn’t find themselves on out of the way planets hunting wild and dangerous things (or being hunted by them), without a handy local body shop to stock up at. I’d lost too many body parts to be reliant on outside sources, now if a bit fell off it would just grow back. Of course I could speed up the process by supplying more of the raw materials but this meant long and elaborate meals and eating for eight hours non-stop is not my favourite occupation.
The trolleys kept coming, bringing plate after plate, and as Harry was paying I didn’t just limit my choice to the cheapest. Instead I tried all the delicacies on the menu; still there’s only so much freet haunch with mango and srailly sho couscous or golden caviar and mushy trag you can eat. Alcohol helped alleviate it slightly but I was glad when my leg was finished and the growth unit cut out. I felt nauseous from overeating and ran (a curious feeling) to the bathroom and threw up.
Feeling better I drank several litres of water (charged by the glass), and billed everything to Harry's account.
Then I went to bed.
The dais remained blank as a voice said my name “Jake”.
In my line of work being found has its serious disadvantages – namely ending up dead. No one should have known I was here - it would be the last place anybody would have expected me to be, vacationing on New Happy; the most expensive (and tackiest) planet in the galaxy. As close as you could get to the hub without disappearing over the event horizon, a sky strewn with stars guaranteeing 24 hour tanning, and enough dark places to satisfy all but the wildest imagination. Come to think of it – this is probably the first place they would think of!
“Hello” I replied, wary but intrigued. Really, I should have been out of there as any second the room could have exploded, or perhaps just my head as an orbital laser vaporised my brain. But I have always been curious, something that got me out of a dead end job attaching arms and legs to bodies into the much more interesting and varied field of detaching them.
“Hello” the voice was non-descript no emotions or clues but still human, not synthetic. This was beginning to get annoying; my patience was already tested by my continually forgetting that my left leg was now only six inches long. This involved a lot of falling over.
“Who the Bob is that?”
“Harry” Ah, it was beginning to make sense now. Harry had been slipped a virus by one of his competitors, he was doing me a favour keeping the dais blank.
“Harry, how are you?” At least now I knew that he wasn’t trying to kill me, probably.
“How do you think? I’ve got a job for you”
“What?” Snappy dialogue, but that’s not what I get paid for.
“Easy, shouldn’t take you long” Which meant it would be difficult and dirty and I would have a hard time keeping hold of appendages.
“How much?”
“The usual”
“Hmmph” Does anybody like that answer?
“Looks like you’re in need of the money.”
Should have turned the cam off. “Maybe” I swung my chair round to look out of the window at what I had been assured was a picturesque view; a drab building dotted with balconies overlooking my hotel – no doubt scenic in itself. This was one of the cheapest hotel rooms on this world (well as cheap as I was willing to go), you could get four floors for the same price on another planet. My money was going fast as I’d had to double my food intake to grow a new leg, but the jobs that Harry offered were always the worst.
“Jake?”
“Send it around”
“This one is important Jake.”
“When isn’t it? Just send it round”
“Already on its way”
The door gave a polite cough “Package for you Mr Tyrson”
I eased myself out of my chair and hopped over to the door. My watch wasn’t beeping so I took the package from the parcel bot ignoring the tip pad that it waved at me and slammed the door in its face. Then hopped back to my chair, I thumbed the seal and began reading.
“Jake?”
“Yeah?” Not really paying attention as I tried to figure out what Harrys angle was.
“You’ll be leaving Wednesday.”
“What! Listen my legs only a third grown”
“Speed it up then, I’ll pay the bill” Wow, this must be important if Harry was willing to pay expenses, perhaps he’d never been to New Happy. I scanned through the data trying to find a clue. Ah, there it was! I grinned an evil grin and sat back in my chair. Harry was about to pay big time.
“Harry?”
“Jake?”
“Ten million”
“What!” His voice spluttered “You must be joking. You people are ten a penny, you’re my first choice Jake but you’re not the last.”
“Now Harry, don’t get uptight”, I was enjoying this “ you know that most of them are on their way to the new galaxy” They were as well, jobs in my line of work were getting scarcer (yeah thanks Bob), the great unknown was one of the few remaining options for ‘ahem’ adventurers; one that I wasn’t yet ready for.
“Six”
“Nine”
“Seven”
“Eight”
“Done, cash on delivery though”
“When wasn’t it?” That was too easy, you had more chance of getting a falo out of a sned than a credit out of ‘Honest’ Harry the Shipbroker.
“Call me when you’ve got it”
“Don’t cross me Harry, remember Berrand”“
As if I would Jake, as if I would”
I broke the connection and leaned back thinking about the last time I had done a job for him. Berrand was a bad situation and a planetbuster does what it says on the box. However, business is business and I would use the piece makers again.
Harry’s file had a credit number on the front, I verified it with the hotel then hopped into the bedroom to get my briefcase, punched in the 49 digit code and pulled out a book. Finding the right page I popped out a couple of tablets, swallowed them, and then called up a menu from room service.
As the first course of my meal arrived, I hopped out onto the balcony and lowered myself into one of the chairs. Leaning back I tuned the screen to cut out some of the glare and put some music on. Having one leg was inconvenient and most humans would have just got a new one, but I had a growth unit, and it would just get confused. But then most humans didn’t find themselves on out of the way planets hunting wild and dangerous things (or being hunted by them), without a handy local body shop to stock up at. I’d lost too many body parts to be reliant on outside sources, now if a bit fell off it would just grow back. Of course I could speed up the process by supplying more of the raw materials but this meant long and elaborate meals and eating for eight hours non-stop is not my favourite occupation.
The trolleys kept coming, bringing plate after plate, and as Harry was paying I didn’t just limit my choice to the cheapest. Instead I tried all the delicacies on the menu; still there’s only so much freet haunch with mango and srailly sho couscous or golden caviar and mushy trag you can eat. Alcohol helped alleviate it slightly but I was glad when my leg was finished and the growth unit cut out. I felt nauseous from overeating and ran (a curious feeling) to the bathroom and threw up.
Feeling better I drank several litres of water (charged by the glass), and billed everything to Harry's account.
Then I went to bed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)